It is common to find that the nuclear family has evolved into an extended or complex family unit, with one or both parents remarrying after a divorce. Often times neither the parents nor the children know how to cope with such changes. We continue with our daily lives, hoping that it will sort itself out without there being any confrontations. That kind of mindset is just asking for trouble. Nothing really goes away, depending on the type of kids you have, they will either become very vocal about things or they will suppress their feelings causing distance and a strain on all relationships.
Human beings are creatures of habit and we are most comfortable when things stay the same. Any change in our environment can therefore cause us to behave unreasonably and to even think irrationally. As adults we prefer to find things where we left them, and why shouldn’t we expect our children to feel the same way, after all, kids mirror their parent’s behavior. If things are not the way we left them, we sometimes ‘fly off the handle’, shouting and screaming at anyone who can hear us. This is exactly the way some children react to mummy’s new boyfriend or daddy’s new wife. Not only do things not stay the same, another human being who will take away mummy’s attention and rob them of time with daddy has been added to the mix, obviously they are going to throw their toys out of the cot.
What then can be done to contain the situation?
- Include everyone in family chores and activities, your new partner and children need to learn to get along, meal times and picnics could be great for forging relationships.
- Communication is important, let your kids know that you still love them.
- Don’t assume anything, children require clear and simple explanations about what is happening, what is expected and what is to follow. They will be more understanding and accepting of the change.
Still having problems managing change at home? Don’t stress, with the help of a relationship coach, together we can easily restore the peace in your home.
Author: Suyan Budhoo – The South African Life Coach in Pretoria
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Please Call us at 082 339 8393 or Contact Relationship Coaching Pretoria